Today is the day of my “dry run” of radiation. It was odd to receive an appointment reminder card that says “dry run”. However, it’s reassuring to know that I am going to have a radiation rehearsal before the real treatments begin.
Despite the fact that I know (without a doubt) that I am exactly where I need to be (in San Francisco) for radiation, I’m still a bit of a basket case. I don’t really know why. I just am. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’m tired. Really tired. I’m finding FBC to be exhausting. It’s a very demanding disease, in case you haven’t noticed. Demanding physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
As I was kvetching about said demands, the HOTY just reminded me to look for the Silver Lining of my day. Just the reminder to look was a SL.
As you know by now, Silver Linings are everywhere. We just have to open our eyes and look for them. Easy Breezy.
One of the many Silver Linings of my day was when Finally Five told me:
“Momma, you’re so brave. You are handling your cancer so well and I am so proud of you. It will all be over soon.”
While I sure wish that Finally Five didn’t have to say this…or think about FBC…or deal with any of this nonsense, I’m full of gratitude that she views me and this familial experience in this way. Her perspective gives me incredible fortitude that will inevitably penetrate the fear that I have in beginning this next phase of treatment.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.