Radiation Rehearsal

Today is the day of my “dry run” of radiation.  It was odd to receive an appointment reminder card that says “dry run”. However, it’s reassuring to know that I am going to have a radiation rehearsal before the real treatments begin.

Despite the fact that I know (without a doubt) that I am exactly where I need to be (in San Francisco) for radiation, I’m still a bit of a basket case.  I don’t really know why.  I just am.  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’m tired.  Really tired. I’m finding FBC to be exhausting. It’s a very demanding disease, in case you haven’t noticed. Demanding physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

As I was kvetching about said demands, the HOTY just reminded me to look for the Silver Lining of my day. Just the reminder  to look was a SL.

As you know by now, Silver Linings are everywhere.  We just have to open our eyes and look for them. Easy Breezy.

One of the many Silver Linings of my day was when Finally Five told me:

“Momma, you’re so brave.  You are handling your cancer so well and I am so proud of you.  It will all be over soon.”

While I sure wish that Finally Five didn’t have to say this…or think about FBC…or deal with any of this nonsense, I’m full of gratitude that she views me and this familial experience in this way.  Her perspective gives me incredible fortitude that will inevitably penetrate the fear that I have in beginning this next phase of treatment.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

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Comments

  1. says

    Hol-
    We send our warm thoughts and love your way, each and every
    day!!!!!!Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!
    Love,
    Jody and the boys

  2. Carol Harrington Riv says

    Well, I'd have to say that Finally Five and Eleanor have given you some very comforting words to hold close to your heart.

    Best of luck to you in your next phase of this battle. You WILL prevail!!

    Love ya,
    Carol

  3. Julia Rodgers says

    All of us down south are thinking of you! And yes, you are very brave, my friend! Sending lots of love and hoping that the radiation goes well. xoxoxo