The poor HOTY – again. I am totally funk’d up – again. I am, however, able to trace two of the sources of the funkilation, the first of which is that I have my second post-FBC checkup tomorrow.
Today, I went to get my pre-appointment blood draw (a requirement before every checkup). Prior to the stick, I realized that my hands were shaking (& it wasn’t because I was worried about the needle stick!). The shaking made aiming for the vein a little, ahem, challenging! Silver Lining: I had a great phlebotomist.
By the way, if you have to get your blood drawn, a handy little tip is to request a “Butterfly” needle rather than the large bore ones that the phlebotomists typically use. The butterflies hurt waaaaaay less! And yes, you can request what type of needle is used (most people don’t know that).
Anyhoo, when I realized that my hands were shaking, I acknowledged the fact that the funk had gone to a whole new level. I’m not the obsessive worrisome type. And if I do happen to obsess about something, it’s usually when the next J.Crew catalog is going to arrive (it did today, by the way…Silver Lining). Even during the FBC period, I didn’t worry. It’s just not how I roll. However, this blood draw and impending oncology appointment has me off my game.
To add more funkiness to the funkilation, I am back to feeling exactly how I felt prior to FBC. Now, you’d think that this is a good thing, but it’s actually not. For about 5 years after having our daughter a/k/a Sweetly Six, I felt exhausted – chronically. Literally if someone were to say “Sleep” to me three times in a row, I’d be Zzzzzz’ing by the second “Sleeeeeep.” In fact, I’m nodding as I type. Really? Really.
Now, I know that it might be confusing to hear that one day I’m running up a mountain and the next day I’m saying that I’m beat up and can barely stay awake. However, it’s how I have functioned for the last 5+ years. My coping mechanism for fatigue is exercise and fabricating energy. I’m able to barrel through workouts thanks to my mental determination, but when push comes to shove, I’d really much rather be in my bed. In my jammies. Asleep.
This has been going on for years. For about 4 years prior to my diagnosis, my internal medicine doctor did one test after another after another (with the exception of a mammogram) in an attempt to figure out what was going on with me. Every single test came back squeaky clean. “You’re in perfect health,” my doctor said to me. Well, not quite…
In fact (this is going to sound so f-bomb’d up), I was actually relieved when I was diagnosed with FBC because I was finally able to figure out why I was so tired: I was growing FBC.
Now, I would have thought that since I’m done with treatment (last radiation was 6 months ago) that I would be feeling better. Not so much. There in lies the second source of my funkilation: I am wondering WTF is going on!
So, as has been the case since my diagnosis, when I’m feeling blue or funkilated, Silver Linings pop up. I’ve had two doozies today.
The first of which was having a lovely lunch outside by the ocean with two of my favorite bloggers: Brooke Giannetti of Velvet and Linen as well as Slim Paley. It was great fun to be able to kibbutz about the world of blogging and our experiences in it. By the way, all of us pretty much fell into it. Be sure to check out their blogs for a wonderful source of chic inspiration and FUN! And yes, they are as gorgeous and kind and talented and smart as you perceive them to be. I’m just sayin’…
The second Silver Lining was receiving the following comment from a reader. Boy, oh boy, did it hit the right spot.
Thank you for this site. I love to come here and see how you have the ability to turn even the negative into a positive silver lining….it is so uplifting. Sometimes on my really bad days I get caught up on the negative but then I remember that I can come here and get the positive inspiration I need to go on.
One thing that I know for sure: funk is funk. It doesn’t do me a single bit of good to deny it or pretend that it’s not there. It is what it is. The good news is that there are Silver Linings during periods of funkilation, just as there are Silver Linings during FBC or any pain or hardship in life. All one has to do is look for them and they will always appear. Always.