Lady Lumps

Many people have asked me what my Lady Lumps (no one knows what to call them…so, I prefer this term) “feel like.”

Well, as you know, for the past few weeks, all I’ve felt is pain and constipation, so I was at a loss of words to describe the Lady Lumps.  Heck, I was pretty much at a complete loss of words in general!

Now that I am off of all narcotics and past that phase (Yipppeeee!), and am fully off of the narcotics (Yeah!), I am really feeling sensation in these Lady Lumps.  So much so, in fact, that I have to admit that because the sensation is so incredibly preternatural, I keep feeling myself up.  Totally embarrassing, yet simultaneously fascinating.

I find myself just touching them as if they were prehistoric dinosaur eggs.  Of course, I have to apologize 20 times a day for my inappropriate gesture.  Thank goodness I’m still not out in the general public with any amount of regularity.

So, back to the original topic. I can finally answer the inquiries  and describe what my Lady Lumps feel like.

#1: Imagine wet cement:

Cement a la Lady Lumps

#2: Take a clump of that gloppy cement and ball it up into the size of a baseball:

The size of a Lady Lump

#3: Picture me sans breasts standing with my back against a wall  (without pain meds as you’ll kindly remember).  I’ll respectfully omit an image of this, because it just wouldn’t be right.
#4: Then, visualize a pitcher standing about 10 feet away from me and throwing two cement balls onto my chest, one at a time.  First the left side.  Then, the right side.  Here’s a SL (silver lining): At least this pitcher had the accuracy of San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum and each of the Lady Lumps landed in the right spots.


#5: Finally, watch those baseball-sized  Lady Lumps harden.

Lady Lumps Hardening (only they are round)

THIS, my friends,  is exactly what my Lady Lumps feel like.

The following quote is a favorite and one that I think about repeatedly throughout my days, especially when I’m feeling myself up.

I think these difficult times have helped me to understand how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.

-Isak Dinesen

Wishing you all a SL-filled day!

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Comments

  1. Cameron says

    Every post adds a SL to my morning. You are the most divinely positive person I know and your explanations of your process and healing give so many of us hope when we feel like the day is so un-SL. Keep sharing your love and humor with us. The cement lady lump description has me giggling at 7 AM! It's a good way to start a day :) XX

  2. Amy says

    Hollye – thanks for another amazing explanation. Not sure why the rehabbed lady lumps are so popular in light of your graphic cement solid explanation. Hang in there. Glad you are getting out to some parties. Maybe wear a shirt that says "reconstruction zone" with a cone to ward off the aggressive huggers :)

  3. karen bookshesterboo says

    Your the prettiest" cement titty" girl in the USA and I bet you there are a billion of them!!!!
    oooooxxxxxx Karkarboo