What to Say (or Not to Say) #7

The overwhelming majority of things said to cancer patients are well intended. I know it without a doubt. In fact, I would hazard to say that most people with FBC (or any kind of f-bomb cancer for that matter) know it. However, what is well intended doesn’t always come across quite so well. As one of my readers (& also dear friend!) said, “It is certainly a highly sensitive time for the patient, and often a helpless feeling for the friend/family. Be forgiving of verbal clumsiness…accept the good intention.” I do/did…always.

My intent in sharing these “clouds” and “Silver Linings” is not in any way to be complainy, kvetchy, or whiny; rather it is to build compassion (both for the patient AND the friend) and to illustrate behaviors and words that many cancer patients appreciate…to help alleviate the feelings of helplessness and awkwardness.

So, next up in the series of What to Say (or Not to Say) to someone with FBC revolves around surgery, specifically mastectomy surgery. Below is something that was said to me quite a bit…and what I would have preferred to hear.

Anything that you’d like to share?  As always, I sure appreciate your feedback and input!

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  1. Cyn says

    I know someone going through BCa right now. Just had surgery, now deciding on course of care. Need a discussion on intimacy and sex. Partners and spouses sometimes don't understand why sex is the last thing on our minds. It's hard to be desirable when all you can think of is don't touch my entire upper torso! I am horrified that having total concentration on getting well can be viewed as selfish….

    Just because your schedule gets back to normal and you're moving around trying to be normal does not mean sex is what you want right now.

    I would like to pass on the discussion to my friend.

    • says

      Dear Cyn,
      First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope that all goes well!
      I have been thinking about the sex and intimacy post…it is coming…absolutely. Thank you so much for the recommendation. Best wishes!