I admit that I’m still obsessing about a potty. If you had been with me for even 20 minutes of this day (equivalent to about 7 stops), you would understand why. In my last post, I asked if someone would create an iPhone application to direct a desperate user to a toilette. Great news (SL): I have found that there IS an iPhone Application called: SitOrSquat:Bathroom Finder. It is a free (and extraordinarily GENIUS) application. Thank goodness I’ll have an actual tool tomorrow to help me navigate my way around the W.C. world. How’s that for a Potty SL?
This time yesterday, I was running (actually more like crawling) around the neighborhoods of Los Angeles looking for bathrooms, lavatories, powder rooms, restrooms, toilets, salle de bains, washrooms, and water closets. My only requirement: a solid flush. I was NOT picky. Last night, I spent the entire night on the floor of the hotel bathroom….did I mention that time and location were (and are!) of the essence? A huge SL (silver lining) to this ridiculous image is that I was at a really nice hotel, on a really nice floor. As a nurse, I knew that I had moved from pesky, annoying, and beleaguering trots and stomach cramping to something altogether different and, more importantly, serious. I have not kept any food in my system for a full 4 days. I’ve lost more weight. I was starting to get dizzy (and running into things as evidenced by a narley knot on my head). The anti-nausea medications …
Next up: Mucositis, a/k/a Mouth F-bomb Sores. I’m not kidding. I wish I were, but I’m not. Three months ago, even if I had tried really, really hard, I couldn’t have made up all of this S**T (pun intended and unintended). In case you are unfamiliar (why on earth WOULD you be familiar?), let me clarify: cancer-related mouth sores are one of the most common side effects of chemotherapy. I thought I might see them at some point, but not after the FIRST treatment. To also clarify, “Mishegoss” is a Yiddish word that means crazy or senseless behavior. These mouth sores are crazy and senseless. Definitely. I’ve been F-bomb’d by seemingly all things FBC so far. Silver Lining (SL): I did not have an allergic reaction to the first chemo infusion. Back to the not-so-beautious mouth sores. What are mouth sores (a/k/a mouth mishegoss)? Mouth sores or ulcers (as in …
Because I seem to be the poster child for chemo side effects (i.e., ALL of them), it didn’t come as a complete shock to me that hair loss was next on the list. The second (or maybe the third or fourth) shoe has dropped… For the past 3+ years, I have worn my hair short. Really short. I used to have long, long hair (all one length past my shoulders). However, between blow-outs, straightening treatments, updo’s, and split ends, maintaining it became annoying. What put me over the edge was the seemingly constant line: “I can’t get in the pool and play (even though I really want to) because we have an event tonight and I can’t mess up my hair”. Enough was enough. Way, way too much maintenance. All done. So, I went with a short pixie cut. Took me about two weeks to commit to a look and to …
Yesterday was a rough, rough day. To add insult to the already injurious Brookside, beloved Buzz had a big and brutal breakdown. He collapsed (yes, F-Bomb collapsed) four times on our hike. FOUR. In addition, he panted so heavily that I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I’m not kidding. Seriously. FFS (For F**k’s Sake). Have I mentioned that despite the fact that he has lived with us for just a few short months (he was “Career Redirected” from Leader Dogs for the Blind in November), I am in LOVE with this dog? Seeing him on the ground, gasping for breath was nothing short of devastating for this bald girl. I just wanted to lay down with him. And cry. Thankfully, I was with two very dear and resourceful friends (Silver Lining). We managed to give him water and get him off of the mountain. At that …
Good Morning, Chemo. Let’s go kick some FBC tush! …and one small favor: could you avoid nearly destroying me this time? This is my 2nd of 6 doses, meaning that I’m 1/3 of the way there. About my highest capacity for math, but I’ll take it! As you may remember from my first chemo post, dressing for chemo (and anything else, for that matter!) is important to me. It makes me feel good and confident and surprisingly comfortable. So, the outfits that I wear to chemo have special meaning to me. Today, I am wearing a super chic Lyn Devon coat/vest from her Fall 2010 collection (http://www.lyndevon.com). It was one of my favorite purchases of the season because it is super comfortable and easy to wear. Additionally I am wearing a very special white cotton J.Crew Haberdashery Stretch shirt (you’ll see what makes it special in a minute). I do …
Two days out from round two of intravenous TAC (Taxotere, Adriamycin, Cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy. And I have a cold. OY. I sure could use just a little break. Even a teeny tiny one. I know that Silver Linings are lurking. Come on out, wherever you are! Oh, here’s one: I’m officially 1/3 of the way of being DONE with Chemo. That’s a huge SL, right? Today, I had an acupuncture appointment at the Santa Barbara Herb Clinic. A dear friend drove me there because I was such a Puke Face that I couldn’t possibly operate a farm implement, much less drive a car. I went with high hopes that something (anything!) would turn these F-Bomb side effects OFF. Master Herbalist Dr. Henry Han, OMD, CA & MD, has practiced traditional Chinese Medicine at Santa Barbara Herb Clinic since 1991. The herbal formulas he creates specifically for each patient are prepared at …
Another long and brutal FBC (F-bomb Breast Cancer) day. Are you tired of this? I sure am! This morning, I went for acupuncture with high hopes of ameliorating (or eliminating!) my ailments: headache (bad!), stomach cramping, nausea, diarrhea (yes, commode seeking AGAIN!), fatigue and weight loss. Four more F-bomb pounds since last week’s chemo. Yes, at this point, weight loss is considered an ailment. I know. I know. Prior to this experience, I would NOT have considered weight loss an ailment. However, I’m too skinny. Way too skinny. Somehow I have to forget my 85 year-old great aunt’s needlepoint pillow saying “You can’t be too thin.” One can, in fact, be too thin. So, anyway, I went into the Santa Barbara Herb Clinic for my acupuncture and it was cooooooold. Freezing. Or at least I was cold. At 10:00 in the morning, they were already behind schedule. Being punctual is one …
I’ve come to accept my bald head. While I’m don’t exactly feel like “Bald is Beautiful” on me, I feel like “Bald ain’t so bad.” Every time something is taken away from me (my breasts, my hair, my dignity), I am more grateful for what I still do have, like a positive attitude. THAT is something that can never be taken away from me (Silver Lining!) Even though I have a wig that is made out of real hair, feels light weight and is actually fairly attractive, it is still uncomfortable and itchy. I find that I really only want to wear it for short periods of time (like taking our daughter, Finally Five to school or going out on the rare evening). Scarves are simply much more comfortable. I have invested in some really chic cotton ones that tie easily, don’t slip and are very lightweight (SL). After playing …
Recently, I had the great fortune to hear Bill Moyers speak as part of the extraordinary UCSB Arts and Lectures series. It had been a bad (BAD!) day. Feeling rotten and generally miserable. The last thing I wanted to do was get dressed and go out in public. However, I felt compelled to go to this lecture. It was that persistently wonderful intuition speaking to me. I’m so glad that I listened! To begin his lecture, Bill Moyers gave the most beautiful description of an ideal community: that which gathers around a campfire to share in an exchange of ideas. Isn’t that so lovely? A great deal of his talk focused on the concept of optimism and his persistent state of it. (Hello, Silver Linings!) This topic came about because he was reecently asked to justify his optimism, despite a seemingly omnipresent culture of hostility and cruelty. He said that optimism …
