While at Mii Amo in Sedona, as I mentioned, I decided to have as many alternative, healing experiences as possible. …including a Psychic Massage. Yes, a Psychic Massage.
Before the massage started, Bahdra, the healer, asked me a little bit about myself and why I decided to have this particular treatment. I told him that I had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. He had no dramatic reaction, which was in itself soothing.
He asked what my goals were from the session. Goals? I had no specific goals. In fact, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I asked him how the treatment works. He said that “it works the way it is supposed to work.” WTF? I needed a plan, I said (rather intensely). He giggled in the kindest, most nurturing way, reminding me of a Buddhist monk. His nonverbal message was, “chill the F-bomb out, honey.” (Though in all reality, I must admit that I highly doubt that he uses the F-bomb!)
Bahdra described the mind/body connection. “Had I heard of it?” he asked. Yes, however I told him that I had no idea what it really meant. To me, mind/body has always been equivalent to jibber/jabber. He said, “Whatever is going on in your mind can be felt throughout your body.” Really? Ok. Interesting.
Lying face down, Bahdra massaged my back for several minutes. He then described how my lower back is full of lightness, joy and movement. “You really enjoy running,” he said. Yes! Yes! Yes! “Am I professional athlete?” he asked. No, I laughed. “Do you hike?” he asked. As much as I possibly can, I replied. I added that hiking is one of the activities that I love the most in the world. He said, “I sense that when you are in perpetual movement, you feel calm and at peace with the world.” Right on!
As his massage moved up my back, he found “blockages”. In other words, the light energy from my lower back does not fully move to my upper back.
He described the upper part of my back as the “masculine” part of me, the place in which I spend the majority of my time. Bahdra said it’s as if my constant thought process is, “Let’s get rolling.” Ironic because one of my favorite phrases is, “That’s how I/we roll.”
“You are a constant fixer. Always making things right,” he said. I am practically giggling at this point. Out of nervousness because he nailed me? Out of sheer astonishment that someone could touch me and know virtually everything about me? Probably both.
Then he moved onto my shoulders which meant that the next subject was my posture. I can’t begin to count the number of times in my life that I have been told, “Stand up straight.” “Stop slouching.” Bahdra said, “Your posture is…and always has been…poor because you feel the need to protect the most vulnerable part of yourself, found in your heart space.” How on earth did he know that? I mean, really. Astonishing.
Bahdra then moved to my legs. “Your right leg,” he said, “is masculine. It is incredibly strong. It could easily take on the world and accomplish absolutely anything. Your right leg is the doer. The mover. The unshakable. The protector.” He went on to say that “your left leg is feminine. It is vulnerable and shy. Loving. The protected.” Mind-blowing.
Bahdra emphasized the need for all of us to have balance and to be in balance. Masculine balanced with feminine. Neither is better than the other. Each has its own valuable role and responsibility in guiding our lives.
What will this look like, I ask? “This will be a time to receive. To be open. To be vulnerable. To just simply BE. As a consequence,” Bahdra said, “you have the opportunity to enter into a whole new dimension of joyous possibility.”
While this is still FBC (with a big, fat capital “F”), I am recognizing that this experience may indeed be an opportunity to unite the masculine and feminine parts of me. The habitual role of the masculine to be in constant motion has ceased. Kaput. My new idea of “rolling” is to go outside and smell some flowers. To watch a SL Movie with 4 3/4.
I’m starting to feel this time of balance and harmony. How’s that for a whopping SL?
Most people, for obvious reasons, perceive the diagnosis and treatments that I am undergoing as traumatizing. As a loss. Well, there is definite sadness and physical loss. No doubt about it.
However, I am choosing to see this FBC differently: If the loss of my breasts means a discovery of self and the unification of the masculine and feminine parts of me, then I’m all-in (with pain medication, of course!).
Now, how’s that from a big ass wonderful Silver Lining (SL)?