Today I ventured out of the house. Bad, bad idea. We were invited to a beautiful lunch, full of interesting people and lots of Mind Candy. Can I just say: I am in a HUGE Mind Candy deficit. My brain is complete mush. The only thing that is consistent is cognitive dysfunction.
So, I thought: C’mon! Pull your chemo-self together and go!
So I did (though I admit to getting out of bed precisely 14 minutes before we were due at the lunch). Fortunately, I didn’t have to do my hair: Silver Lining.
However, from the moment I walked in, I knew it was a bad idea. I didn’t have the mental stamina to make small talk. Before FBC, I never realized how much mental stamina small talk takes. Not only does it take a lot of stamina, but I am seriously out of shape!
Now, don’t get me wrong: it was great to see friends and to meet new and interesting people. Nothing I love more than seeing friends and making new ones. And if I get to learn something in the meantime, then Yippeee Skippeee!
However, today was not my day. At one point, I was talking with a wonderful woman (absolutely no recollection what we were discussing!) and the room started spinning. I interrupted her and told her that I had to sit down – NOW. Things went downhill from there.
Right before lunch, The Husband and I were talking with the guest speaker who happened to have some significant knowledge of the breast cancer field (though, again, I have no recollection what we were specifically discussing) and I had to sit down – again.
Why did I get up after the first need-to-sit-down, you ask? I have no clue.
Note to self: next time (first of all: avoid a next time!), politely excuse your chemo-self.
On to lunch. More spins. At one point, someone asked me a question, to which I knew the answer! However, I could’t put the words together to deliver said answer. Thank goodness the HOTY (a/k/a Husband of the Year) jumped in.
Somehow, I managed to stay upright while the speaker delivered what, I’m sure, were eloquent words; however, I was too focused on keeping my head off the table and wiping the drool off of my face to focus on what he was saying.
When the speaker was done and he thanked everyone for coming, I gave the HOTY the look and proceeded to bolt, or at least tried to. While waiting to thank our wonderful host and hostess for having us, an incredibly kind woman gave me a hug and said how much she likes the blog. (Isn’t that so nice? Still so amazing to me!)
Under normal circumstances…wait, WTF is “normal”?
Let me rephrase…during my good week, I would have thanked her profusely for reading the blog and talked with her.
However, today? Not happening. Instead, I lost it. The room started spinning even faster and then the Cancer Coprolalia (the involuntary use of obscene words or socially inappropriate words and phrases) let loose. I don’t think that I dropped the F-bomb (at least I’m praying that I didn’t!). I do vaguely recall saying: I have to leave right this minute. I then proceeded to run right into the door upon my exit. Silver Lining: no black eye.
So, what is the lesson learned here? Well, it’s clear that I still need work on my mind-body connection. In other words, my mind, no matter how deprived (and therefore eager), has no business pushing this chemo-filled body to do ANYTHING before it’s ready. Back to bed…back to bed…NOW!!!!
No day is so bad it can’t be fixed with a nap.