As this period of aggressive, daily treatment is coming to an end (Silver Lining), I’m feeling as if a “Reboot” button is about to be pushed….and I don’t yet know what will appear on the screen as a result.
I’ve been thinking – a lot. Thinking about re-entry into the world. Thinking about change. Thinking about what I’ve learned and how I’ll live my life differently. (Note: I did not say “if” I would live my life differently.)
Speaking of different, things are definitely different. I am definitely different. My body has frightened me to the core. It is not as reliable as I thought it was. This has changed me. Which isn’t a bad thing, by the way.
It’s easy to think of hard times, such as FBC, as an assault because they break of us our patterns. However, I’m getting the sense that hard times are actually brought to us by the universe so that we will indeed break patterns that need to be broken.
Perhaps, dare I say it, FBC isn’t incidental. Perhaps, just perhaps, it’s purposeful. If it’s purpose is to get me to do something different, then it has worked. I have developed in ways that would never have occurred to me to contemplate, let alone undertake.
I believe that any type of crisis asks us not only to figure out how to deal with the problems at hand, but also insists that we grow.
Illness or other radically changed or catastrophic circumstances have the potential to inspire us to live differently, to become more, better, other than what we have been.
I believe that if I don’t learn life’s lessons when presented to me the first time, then they will keep coming back bigger and stronger. FBC is a big, big lesson. And, quite frankly, I don’t want it coming back! So, I need to learn. And I need to learn NOW.
Instead of disparaging the fact that life has required me to take some strange new steps and reboot, I’ve decided to get with the program and bumble forward. It may not be pretty, but I’m ready to bumble.
Though it’s frustrating for me to not know where these new bumbling steps may ultimately lead, I believe that the most important thing I can do is to take the first step. I believe that the small changes that I take now will eventually lead me in a significantly different (& better!) direction in the future.
Success is loving life and daring to live it.
— Maya Angelou